Carson Wentz Is the Starting Quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles

By Uppy

Ok so, if you haven't heard or you live under a rock, Sam Bradford has been traded to the Minnesota Vikings in return for a 2017 first round pick and a 2018 fourth rounder. To many Eagles fans, this meant that Chase Daniel was going to take over as QB1, which felt like being curb stomped by Howie Roseman himself.

But throughout the day, we learned that Carson Wentz was going to be awarded the role of the starting QB for the Birds. And while I sit here at 9:48 pm and Muk casually asks me as only a cunty Giants fan could "so how you feel about the Bradford trade?", I must think objectively. In reality, we managed to get a first round pick for a guy that we traded away two first rounders to upgrade from. We all knew that Wentz was our guy.

But remember that whole "Wentz can sit and learn for a few years and then take over like an Aaron Rodgers"? Well I guess now we're hoping Wentz can be the next Andrew Luck because he's getting thrown into the fire like every other rookie QB who doesn't make it. Because for every Andrew Luck there's 10 Johnny Manziels and Tim Couches. So while I panic heading into the unknown of the Doug Pederson/Carson Wentz era, I try to stay positive, which is tough to do while getting myself ready for a brutal season. But you know what, maybe, just maybe, we were right about Wentz. Maybe this beautiful, sweet, ginger, North Dakota, D1-AA fuck can sling the ball like TB12 and will actually turn this franchise around. 

But trying to be optimistic as an Eagles fan is like trying to bang Margot Robbie, it's difficult for the common man. So while I wallow away in self pity and alcoholism to forget the 2016 season before it happens, I hope Carson can feel how I feel, and turn that right arm into a thunder cannon of touchdowns.

*I tried to ask Ruppy for help with my analogy and he says "do people even know who Margot Robbie is??" So I respond "People know her. She's kind of a big deal"