The 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics Are over, They Were Lame, and I'm Here to Fix Them

By Djack

The 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics are over and I couldn't care less. Is it just me or are the winter Olympics so much lamer than the Summer. I don't know maybe it's just me, but I never realized how many different things you could do on Ski's. I'm watching people fly through the arm in space suits, other people are just skiing across flat land and then shooting guns, it was all very strange. As if that wasn't bad enough, the figure skating actually put me to sleep on multiple occasions. They put on this soft soothing music, mix that with the noise of the skates hitting the ice, and it's better than any sleep medication I've ever taken. To be honest, I enjoyed it for that reason, however that isn't good for entertainment purposes. At least I had hockey, speed skating, curling, and snowboarding to look forward too. All these events were after midnight, so if you missed it live the outcome was spoiled on twitter, therefore the rerun wasn't even worth watching. I actually have a lot more than I originally thought to rant about on the winter Olympics and how to fix this disaster. Let me break it down in a more organized fashion.

The opening and closing ceremonies might be the most pointless and boring show in the world. I was disappointed with myself for watching more than 20 seconds of it before switching the station. If you actually watch and gain enjoyment out of that, you're probably reading this from a padded room. The closing ceremony had a god damn turtle flying through space, like what the fuck Korea, are y'all tripping on acid. Who in their right mind approved that for millions to see. Craziness, just pure craziness. Get rid of it ALL. Introduce the teams from each country, have maybe a performance or two, and call it a night. All this extra bullshit they're doing is totally unnecessary.

Women's hockey was awesome. Not many got to witness the spectacle that was the women's hockey gold medal game because it was on so god damn late. Next time it has to be on prime time, I don't want to hear the bullshit excuse about time difference, just make it happen. This is a sport waiting to pop, I already wrote all about it in this blog here, so the masses need to see what they're all missing out on. Now, on the other side the men's hockey was hot garbage. NHL needs to get their shit together and let those guys play in the Olympics next time. I don't care if it effects the league we need to see the best athletes in the world on the Olympic stage, so we're going need those players. That'll solve that and hockey will be can't miss Olympic TV. 


Speed skating I must've missed this year and that's usually one of my favorite events. Maybe Apolo Ohno not being apart of the sport anymore is the reason, however I need it back. Those guys flying around the track at unreasonable speeds wearing those ridiculous helmets is what I live to watch at the winter Olympics. The brutal crashes, the epic finishes, and just the overall excitement of the sport make it exhilarating to watch. Emphasis on making speed skating a marquee event is essential to peak Olympic success. 

Sports that need major corrections are skiing, figure skating, and bobsledding. For the skiing some of the events need to be eliminated all together like cross country skiing. Anyone that watches that, please stay away from me. As for the skiing and shooting one, how about we turn it into a skiing paintball match. That'd be 100x more entertaining. Imagine watching guys ski around on a course while shooting paintball guns at each other. I can picture the sky high ratings now. Next, figure skating needs to be modernized just a  tad. Too much orchestra oldies music playing. Let's throw on some bad and boujee and watch these skaters wild the fuck out. Modernizing the sport would help grab the millennial market which the Olympics so desperately needs. As for bobsledding, the concept is cool and all, but it can be brought to a legendary level. Let's make the tracks a little more extreme. Throw some loops in, a couple jumps here and there, really enhance the danger element to the sport. People are sick, they love to see crashes and reckless stunts, so extreme bobsledding would be an all time epic sport.

There's a lot more where that comes from when I become president of the IOC. This is just the beginning of making winter sports great again. Hey, it wasn't all bad. Seeing Shaun White win was a cool moment that'll be on the Olympic highlight reel forever. Also, Chloe Kim is a total bad ass and the face of snowboarding now that Shaun White is probably done.  Other than that though, it was quite a disappointment. You the people can change that. That's why i need your vote to become IOC commissioner 2022. Thank you and leave any feed back regarding the changes you'd make to the winter Olympic sports.