A Calm, Rational Analysis of Carson Wentz's Future

By Uppy

278 yards and 2 touchdowns every week will be just fine with me,  but I now expect big things and big things only from Carson Wentz. And that statement comes from one realization and it has nothing to do with what I saw between the lines Sunday, September 11. 

So everyone knows the Browns suck, and beating the Browns proves nothing. But Philly loves the Browns because no matter how many times we get asked how many Super Bowls we have, we can always look at the Browns. The Browns have been the pinnacle of bad (oxymoron) for well over a decade now, which means every time Howie, or formerly Chip, decided to butt fuck the organization, we just look towards the Browns and say "thank god that's not us". As we all know, bad things happen to the Browns.

So, the Browns, AKA "The Factory of Sadness", traded the 2nd overall draft pick to the Eagles because they signed RG3 and thought that would suffice. We all know the Browns are prone to one or two or twelve front office fuck ups a year. Now what would be the ultimate Browns fuck-up, but for the draft pick they traded away to turn into Tom Brady 2.0 and lead the Eagles to the promise land and beyond for the foreseeable and (fuck it why not) the distant future? It makes sense, right?

"Uppy, did you just compare Carson Wentz to Tom Brady?" You bet your ass I did. "How are they similar other than the fact that they are both white and play quarterback?" I think you're out of questions, friend. Being an Eagles fan, it is my right to be pessimistic. As an irrational Eagles fan, I have to find a way to rationalize mortgaging the future for a D1-AA QB. Maybe Joe Flacco is a better comparison because he came out of a D1-AA school in the University of Delaware (go hens) but fuck you I like Tom Brady better just like I like baby jesus the best. 

How did I make these thoughts today? Well I'm all hopped up on mountain dew!!!